Super curious where she lives/works now she’s in Amsterdam. It’s a horrible neighbourhood though. I knock on the door and see the back of her sitting in a chair. She doesn’t hear me, neither does her phone work. I could be here for ever. After a minute she turns around and opens the door. We head out for some food, see some Amsterdam. Let’s go to my place? The place I love, especially with people I love. Next morning it’s rainy “Sure take my umbrella”. It’s not even mine.
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Not only the result (such as colors), but the instrument itself is important in my work. I chose a drypoint for the portrait of my lover — this choice was not accidental. With this technique, I get very close to the material and I can feel the creating process with my own hands through the needle. First, I prepare the zinc plate, I polish and file it, and then I scratch out the image of a person. The first portrait depicts a man that I hardly know, it doesn’t even look like the real person. O second one is a portrait of a man who I managed to know a little, yet superficially. I still see a mask of courtesy and politeness which doesn’t let me see the real person behind it. I am falling in love with a person that I don’t actually know and it is especially tragic for me. Therefore, on the second portrait, he is slightly detached as he looks away. I am trying to catch the way of expressing my attitude toward him and there are so many options. I feel uncertain. I am not sure.
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third date
date
Again a tinder date.. Maybe this will be different. Agreed to pick here up at her place, just 10 minutes away. Do I really just ring the doorbell? She opens the door and she’s beautiful, she’s just a bit short. I’m a fast bike rider, but she is really, I mean really slow. We head to this area near the canals where they sometimes sell drinks, not this time. Horrible planning on my part… Blue or red seat? Please say blue! “Red! Of course!” She’s super cute, and nice to hang out with as well. I wouldn’t mind to take her home. The boats passing by aren't that sexy though. We kiss, she bites, I can see she’s into me. I take her home, she almost falls off her bike, twice. I guess they really don’t ride in Russia. This has been a while, showering with a (cute) girl.
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A beach in the city, large boats with containers, red and blue benches, fell from a bicycle (almost), a green (olive) sofa, champagne in the apartment, a phone in pants, his shirt on me, a fallen bottle of champagne, he does not cum in women, sex without a condom, good cunnilingus, blowjob next morning and he cum, talking about children, he's a baron, shower together, to Sasha on a bicycle, the torment that he does not write, Sasha sent him an invitation to my birthday, a day later he said he will come.
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It’s her birthday, we meet at a beer place and I don’t drink beer. I wonder how much she told her friend about me. We head out for some different drinks, there is this mysterious place she think she knows, but we are already lost. Use my phone to find it? Sure! Suddenly a bar appears with loads of weird drinks.
We walk. And walk. She bleeds, cause of her painful shoes.
And then, then Vodka just disappears in her. Why not have some food and go to my place? It’s the place I love, for the people I love.
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Birthday, heels, velvet, meeting with Sasha, flowers, beer, Jaap, embarrassment, smart conversations about physics, study, work at the post, I keep quiet and feel like a complete fool, searches for liquor, google, Russian keyboard layout, liqueurs, tequila without lemon and salt, negroni, which Jaap does not like, stories about borshch and okroshka, vodka and look, eating cheese on the canal, walk across the bridge to the train, blood wiped feet, Sasha’s sandals, carry on arms to the apartment, sex in the kitchen, lost condom inside of me.
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He came to my residence, could not get in and the phone did not work, we sat in the room, exchanged stories, lay, kissed, went to feed me, french fries with mayonnaise, curry and onions, a blind woman across the road and a cyclist who helped her, cola-Barcelona, walked, went in the car and I blew Ishome, watched Les Anderson, ordered pizza, bicycles, knife, ice cream, cold side of the pillow.
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Super sleepy, but she doesn’t care. I’ll just «zone out» a bit. Everything goes so fast, there’s a blind lady being helped by an old man. In the land of the blind, one eye is king. Already at my place again? This time with pizza and movies that I love.
","version":2,"z":325,"hidden":false,"animation":[{"steps":[],"type":"scroll","UUID":"8c67947b-ff48-448c-abe7-abf484523fc5"}]},{"_id":"5dfbd6f5765c3c3924539993","x":526,"y":10630,"w":484,"h":270,"type":"text","text":"Jaap helped with the memories, came after work, brought the SIM card, searched where to go, the restaurant Zurich, please-thank you, a half-drunk one glass of wine, the road to Utrecht, went to bed, morning sex, umbrella, downpour.
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I met Sasha and called Jaap from the train, an unplanned meeting, talked a lot, short burgundy shorts, floral socks, who-what-when though, what to do with the «pussy», physics and logic, no sex, the next morning he put on socks, hair.
","version":2,"z":326,"hidden":false},{"_id":"5dfbd6f5fee3d831f40d2f0f","x":-93,"y":12438.05,"w":1248,"h":888,"type":"picture","z":327,"picture":{"thumbUrl":"https://c-p.rmcdn.net/579b8fb78e19e36600a3df97/818712/upload-ac285320-716c-11e7-8049-451eb6ec57c4.jpg","url":"https://c-p.rmcdn.net/579b8fb78e19e36600a3df97/818712/upload-ac282c10-716c-11e7-8049-451eb6ec57c4.jpg","type":"jpg","unscaledUrl":"https://c-p.rmcdn.net/579b8fb78e19e36600a3df97/818712/upload-ac282c10-716c-11e7-8049-451eb6ec57c4.jpg","final2xUrl":"https://c-p.rmcdn.net/579b8fb78e19e36600a3df97/818712/upload-ac282c10-716c-11e7-8049-451eb6ec57c4.jpg","finalUrl":"https://c-p.rmcdn.net/59788292f6fae83e968ccb14/818712/upload-8a7a9c10-8828-11e7-92c7-4ff4dc43ed5b.jpg"},"cropW":1280,"cropH":911,"cropX":0,"cropY":0,"originalW":1280,"originalH":911,"scale":0.975,"pic_opacity":1},{"_id":"5dfbd6f5bde33138e541d59e","x":0,"y":13333.05,"w":490,"h":307,"type":"text","text":"Perfect, I mean PERFECT weather. And Amsterdam noord is just so pretty, just like her. And how cute that she asked me to come to this concert with her! We have some messy burgers, but I love it. especially with her! How perfect is this. Weather, food, beautiful place, beautiful girl and no pressure! Just enjoy, with her being here for a month there is nothing to worry about. She’ll leave before she notices how horrible I am, and how fucked up my emotions are. Life is perfect. Just here and now. Maybe I should tell here, maybe not…
","version":2,"z":328,"hidden":false},{"_id":"5dfbd6f5765c3c3924539994","x":525,"y":13332,"w":488,"h":567,"type":"text","text":"Jaap came for me to the residence, gifted Zero Date, I look like Russian, went to Perfume Genius concert in Paradiso Noord, we both printed the tickets, walked along the coastal zone, ate burgers, I had the one with truffles (like Russian), discussed clothes and bicycles, shoes, the concert, tequila-vodka (in fact, no), water, almost said ‘I love you’ (accidentally), wanted to buy all the souvenir t-shirts, pendants for memory, fell in love with the frontman, who looks like Ruslan, went to Utrecht, chatted, chatted, fist, pancakes with sour cream, pink bicycle with one-sided frame.
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Real love is elusive and sometimes it vanishes at the very beginning. Falling in love is getting more and more complicated and failures feel as fatal. As an artist, I want to explore this aspect of modern life and try to find out how it all works. My way of exploring it is to examine the dichotomy of love and relationships through modern culture with the peculiar sense of my own intimate experience that I share very honestly.
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In the beginning of this series decided to challenge once again my inability to build a romantic relationship. As a result I went on a date with a young man from Utrecht, who I found on Tinder. The first date we had (which later I called the ‘zero’ date) went very promisingly and it became the source for my art work. I used a linocut technique to represent our dates because it brings colour to the foreground emphasising its importance. Colours visualises my feelings and their volatility. The first (zero) date linocut has more colour than the others — three — as I was overwhelmed with impressions and emotions. Contrasting, superimposed colours on each other:
a little awkward and tremulous. All the details, fragments, memories in symbols and words, as an internal language, understandable only to those who are involved in these events. Each date is different just as the colours and their combination used to depict them. All this is a manifestation of love and its change in shades through time.
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I look a bit weird, strange eyes and a bit out of focus. But maybe that’s me, I’m far from perfect. It does look like I’m a bit distanced though, like in real life
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I’m soft in this picture, not how I wanna look. But maybe that’s the feeling she has with me. Maybe she’s really getting to know me.
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For this series I chose the other technique which
is engraving copper. I used a copper plate with the needle etchings as a static and contemplative way of depicting important items from his house. These simple objects symbolize the person I’m falling in love with. Meditatively the lines are getting etched with acid and slowly familiar silhouettes and textures start to appear, just like his house I often visited imprinted in my memory.
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This is the series of my graphic works «Dating an Imaginary Man».
I will continue this series and I have no idea where this will lead me to.
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Natalia Kozhukhovskaya «Dating an Imaginary Man»